Iddat
The knock at the door startled Rafia. Who could have come at this time? She saw Rashid and Zaria studying in front of her. They too started looking at her with questioning eyes. It was not the time for Arif's arrival or had he come soon.
She stood up with dither and opened the door.
Two boys from the village were standing outside— which she recognised from the face but was not aware of their names. They were staring at her which pierced her.
"What is it?" She asked in a rude tone.
“Tomorrow panchayat is called at ten in the morning and you and Arif Bhai have to appear." One of them said in such a manner as if he was dictating.
She took a deep breath… She knew that it was bound to happen but it would happen so early, was not known. There was no need to respond, she closed the door with a bang and stood by the door itself.
If something is ruined, people do not come to help easily but if something positive happens, then spoilers come very quickly. When she was wandering around with two small children, after Afzaal divorced her, no one realized how desperately she needed support, but as she married Arif everyone became upset.
After all, she had broken a religious ritual… that she had not observed iddat and got married within a month of getting divorced. Due to which the religion made by men and made for men was in danger.
How dare a woman… Where is the place for such women in a society dominated by men? Then it had to happen. She had to face this condition— however, it may be.
When Arif came on his time, she told him this and he too got disturbed. He had anticipated this problem and already suggested to move to the city as it is difficult to convince people here. People do not want to understand the problem— they are tied with centuries-old beliefs and want to carry them forever. They are not willing to accept that things change with the changing times and many such rules and regulations, which might have been rational at that time, have become meaningless in the new era. There is hope in the city that maybe few educated people will understand these things, but who will explain the stubborn religious people of the village.
But she was adamant that religious zealotry is everywhere whether the village or the city— so if we have to face it then why there— why not here?
And now within two-three days, this condition finally came.
When both of them lay in the night, they were sleepless and were engrossed in thoughts.
She was wondering in her past... She was not different from those women whose youth gets destroyed due to various challenges imposed on them.
Her parents got her married to a person working in Saudi expecting that she will be happy but is money the only happiness for a young girl? She had her own dreams, her own expectations, which were fulfilled for the initial few days with her husband and then she faced the ground reality.
This is a big problem in the Muslim society... Many boys go to Saudi, Dubai, etc. to earn money, but then they stay there permanently. Their family needs only a daughter-in-law because the boy has now started earning and they also need someone to look after them— without thinking that the daughter-in-law will also have some desires… and even if they think, what alternative do they have?
And the girl’s family agrees thinking that if the boy is in Saudi, he would be well-off. Their daughter will live happily, but the daughter does not need only food or cloth— she also needs companionship. Youth will go away soon and will leave only responsibilities behind.
Saudi boys come for four months, that too once in two years and play the role of a husband. The wife is then left with the same loneliness— Things that can be shared over the phone or on social media every day can be entertaining for some time, but it cannot be a partner of solitude in bed. The man finds means of his pleasure everywhere he stays but what about the woman… there are several rules for her, there are many watchers for her and there is a burden of aspiration on her to keep good character virtues which has to be carried alone.
She was happy when she was married to Afzaal, but this happiness vanished in a few days and when the loneliness started burning her heart, she realized what husbands support means.
Gradually, ten years passed in the same way, with deprivation from love and companionship and Zaria and Rashid were also born but there was no change in her life. She kept insisting, she fought, forced the relatives to pressurize Afzaal that he should leave Saudi and settle here but Afzaal was not ready for this. He said what is the problem— she is getting good food and clothes, she has two children to take care of her in the future. This is enough for her but it was his thinking— it was not enough for Rafia.
She had become irritable due to continuous longing and moreover, she also came to know that Afzaal was in a relationship there so he did not want to shift here nor did he want to take Rafia and the children there.
This agonised her further.
At first, she cried a lot and then fought a lot, and then they started talking less and arguing and fighting more and more. Her in-laws also used to take their son’s side and in her maternal house, where all the rights were now confined to the brothers— they used to pretext that dear, he is your husband. Be happy as you are and obey him. Understand that this is what God has written in your destiny, you will surely get the religious merit of it.
She did not know what would she get after she dies but what was she getting was not justice. She could not bear this maltreatment. What did she get offering ten golden years of her life to someone?
However— the matter went so far that Afzaal, sitting in Saudi, had divorced her on WhatsApp and told his family members to relocate her immediately. If she wishes, she can leave the children here or she can take them with her.
It was havoc for her. Despite the quarrel, she did not expect that it would come to an end like this and her life would be changed in this way. She fainted. She could manage herself with great difficulty, but her in-laws did not show a little sympathy with her by going against their son's actions. They had called her family members from the neighbouring village at the same time.
She had to leave her in-law’s place.
Her brothers were not keen at all to take her... but it was a compulsion and she did not choose to leave the children— after all, she was a mother.
But her maternal home was not the same too— in the courtyard of which she grew up playing. Now everything was alien there too. There was no more hold of her mother, her sisters-in-law used to run the house now who had their own children, and the burden of iddat was on her above all.
Within three weeks, she was so fed up with their behaviour that one morning she left with both the children. She could bear restrictions on herself, but she was not tolerant of strictures on her innocent children. However, there was a big problem in front of her that where should she go. Throughout the next week, she visited all the relatives whom she considered her own. They too showed sympathy for formality but failed to provide shelter for more than one night.
And where would she roam with two little children without any accommodation?
Luckily while wandering like this hopelessly, she met Arif, who was a distant relative of Afzaal and that is how she knew him. He was also very sad to hear her tragedy and he brought those people to his house.
He too had a past— many years ago, his wife had run away and as he did not have the courage to get married again, so he used to live alone and do the household chores himself. He was a primary teacher in a nearby village— so there was no problem with his livelihood. His family lived somewhere in Patna and here he lived alone in a rented house.
But a woman staying alone in a man's house without any relation with him was not digestible to the people... So the first complaint raised from the landlord itself. He could have considered her sister, but would anyone believe this relationship? Obviously not hence he chose another way that is of marriage! Rafia could have opted to deny, but could a mother who wandered in search of support and worried about the safety and future of two young children go with this option?
She agreed. Arif married her in presence of his few friends. However, it was also true that his friends and the maulana who performed the nikah were unaware that she had not completed iddat yet. Arif’s village was ten km away from Afzaal’s village and it was not necessary that everyone knows everything.
Arif's village was ten km away from the village of Afzal and not everyone knew everything.
But things are known sooner or later and perhaps it was revealed. That's why they received the order of panchayat in the morning. She was sure that one day everybody will know that but she did not guess that it will happen that soon.
However, she finished household chores in the morning fast and the panchayat started at ten o'clock.
It was a Muslim-majority village— all patches were Muslims. Also, as special invitees, two scholars of Deobandi and Barelvi sects were also there. There were many people from the village, including old, middle-aged, young and women. Both of them, who had left their children at home— appeared before the panchayat as criminals.
"Rafia Bano daughter of Mohammad Aqueel— you are accused that you have broken our religious tradition. The panchayat wants to know why you did it?" A panch started the panchayat.
"Which tradition have I broken?" Rafia asked in a slightly stern tone.
They were shaken for a moment— looked at each other, then a panch proceeded while clearing his throat— "You were married to Afzaal Ansari son of Sulaiman Ansari, who divorced you exactly one month ago on twenty-two September, Sunday. Because of this, you had to spend three months or three haiz (menstrual period) of iddat as per Sharia but you have not only broken the first rule of iddat by stepping out of the house, but also committed a bigger sin by marrying again within a month.”
"I have committed a sin— so it is an issue between me and the God. He will decide better for me. Why does the panchayat have trouble with my sin?"
“Because we have the responsibility to maintain the rules and regulations that our elders had made. If we do not carry our responsibilities, then everyone will break the rules like this.” A panch replied in a hesitating manner.
“Are Sharia rules made by our ancestors or by God?"
“The elders in the light of the Quran and the Shariyat. Those scholars who had the right to make rules."
"What does the Quran say about iddat? Let me also know."
Now everyone's eyes were on the two scholars who were seated for this opportunity. One scholar cleared his throat and started saying—
“In the Surah Talaq— Allah Taala says that if the woman is pregnant then both in the case of divorce and widowhood, she will follow iddat till the birth of the child. This period can last from one day to nine months. Those women who have reached menopause or whose menstruation has not started yet will also follow iddat for three months in divorce. Surah Baqarah states that if the husband dies, then iddat will remain for four months and ten days in every situation and even if there is a divorce and woman is not pregnant, then also the duration of iddat is of three months. Surah Ahzab is of the opinion that if a man divorces his wife when the marriage was not consummated then there is no iddat on the woman, but if he dies in the same condition, the iddat will be for four months and ten days and the same rules are there in Sharia."
"I am surprised maulana sahib that we know everything written in the Quran and Sharia but the emphasis of persuasion is only on the women. Well... is it written anywhere in the Quran that wife can be divorced over the phone or on WhatsApp?" This time she and asked the question looking into maulana’s eyes.
“No.” While answering, maulana became a little nervous— “It is true that this method is not right, it is wrong."
“So it means I am not divorced?"
Both scholars started looking at each other. Then this time the other maulana replied— “Look dear, we agree that this method is wrong and it should not happen like this but still you are divorced now."
“Will you change anything in my life by merely saying that this method is wrong? This time his question was from the maulanas as well as from the patches.
Nobody could answer.
“I am not unaware of the Quran. Maulana sahib— I know what you said, but you did not say that one of the motives of iddat after divorce in the Quran is that Talaq-e-Hasan is mentioned there where a husband pronounces word of divorce either once or fifty times, it will be considered to be a single declaration and iddat is to be followed so that there should be a scope for reconciliation between them and the divorce is automatically dismissed as soon as they reconcile, but there is no scope for a compromise in Talaq-e-Biddat so what is this iddat for?”
“Because it is for the acceptance of Allah and is the command of Allah. It is also the worship of God to obey his commands, and the closeness of God is achieved by worship."
"Then why the whole burden of this prayer is on a single woman? Who is helpless and lonely and for whom it becomes a punishment. Why is not the consent of God or the burden of this prayer imposed upon man, who becomes ready for marriage the very next moment?”
"The main reason for declaring iddat justified is to get the assurance that the woman should not be pregnant with his previous husband.” This time the first maulana replied.
“What difference does it make even if she is pregnant?”
“It affects the paternity of the child."
"For whom is it necessary? In this world, a person lives his life on his own and he who up brings a child is his father. My husband has no problem in becoming the father of both the children born to my previous husband. If I had a child in my womb even then, he would have given him his name. So why anyone is bothered about paternity? And the God knows everything, he also knows that so many women in their married life, conceive from other men and their husbands are considered to be those children’s fathers.”
“What do you want to say?" This time a panch said in a loud voice.
"That the rules are made for human beings— humans are not made for the rules. The purpose of iddat might have been the same at some time because then there were no means to know about the pregnancy. Saying that iddat is followed for God's consent or worship, is like fooling yourself because God cannot discriminate so much as to make woman worship like punishment and that too without any sin... and the man who creates this situation is exempt from the responsibility of this prayer. Of course, the identity of the child might have been very important then and this method had been effective at that time— but what about today?
Think carefully— such machines and technology exist today that even the eggs present in the womb of a woman can be seen, then is it difficult to know about a woman's pregnancy? You will know this in half an hour. Then what is the need to wait for three or four months and then not only this, there are many other reasons for which this motive of iddat is meaningless. For example, women who are of menopause age or they have got old and have reached the age where they can no longer have children now, not they can get married, then why the provision of iddat is there for them?
Husbands of many women go to cities like Delhi, Mumbai, etc. for earning money and while staying there for years, they divorce them getting angry over any issue meanwhile or die then why do their wives need iddat or women like me whose husbands are out of the country and they divorce them sitting there then why do they need iddat? After all, the motive is to know the pregnancy and that can happen when husband and wife will stay together but how would it happen when the husband is away for months or years.
A man battling with a major illness since a long time dies on the bed of a hospital, or an army man is martyred in battle while performing his duty on the border for months, then why do their wives need iddat while they have not even touched each other for months? A man divorces his wife without seeing her face for months prior to that, marries another woman and starts living with her and dies, then why should the first wife observe this punishment of iddat? Many women are victims of circumstances like me, who have no support and they are divorced and left alone and in such a situation, even if a man willing to support can not do the same because the woman has to follow iddat— even though that man is ready to accept her born or conceived child as a father. Is it not unfair with the woman who is always said to give equal rights? "
Panches were amazed at her attitude, but both maulanas stood and were shaking in anger.
“Stupid woman— you are rejecting the words of God!"
“No maulana sahib— who am I to reject God, but the God who has said all this— has also given us wisdom and has advised to use it."
“Whatever it may be but the command of iddat comes from the Quran and the Quran cannot be denied."
"Fine maulana Sahib, then bring me the page of the Quran where it is written that divorce can be given in the same way as it was given to me— and I will commit this nikah as my sin and present myself for every sentence."
“It is a ritual from Hazrat Umar’s time.”
"First of all, who gave Hazrat Umar the right to change the Quranic writing and secondly that Hazrat Umar himself had not only condemned the person who did so but also punished him with whips. You tell me that till now how many people have been punished and what sort of punishments have been given to them who have done this? Then call my old husband too and punish him as well.”
This time nobody could utter a word. Everyone started looking at each other with restlessness.
"Then the religion and Sharia, claiming which you guys have gathered— had also said that the pictures are forbidden. Even today if someone makes a picture of Huzur Sallallaho Alaiwasallam, you will cut his throat. It is said that the house which has human pictures, angels do not come there, but pictures can be seen everywhere now. At home on TV and in hands-on mobile! Maulana sahib your big photos are there in the hoarding at the intersection, where you are welcoming a leader for coming here. It had not even been changed by Hazrat Umar— then?”
“If some changes are necessary with the era, those can be done. In today's era, one cannot go without a picture." This time, maulana spoke in a slightly low voice.
"Yes, pictures are necessary today, but for government documents— not to greet politicians and to create an account on Facebook. How many people follow this rule? First, you declare things like TV, mobile, printing press, hajj through-plane, etc. forbidden, then you cite their need when you find yourselves stuck without these that too where men are involved, else when it comes to modifying any rule for women it shakes the walls of religion.”
"Whatever but you have done wrong." The persistence of the maulanas was held at its place.
“I will admit that I have done wrong, and then I will accept the punishment that the panchayat decides silently, but first it should be decided that by citing the Sharia, I am being convicted for my need— whether all of you are bound by that? None of you should be a liar, backbiter, cheat, deceiver. No one's house should be forcibly occupied on the farmland. There should be no stolen electricity in any one's house. Nobody should be earning through any wrong means. Everyone's life should be lived as per the Sharia law. Not only you all should give the right and share to your sisters, daughters in the house property, lands, etc. as per the Sharia, but you should come with me to my house, though fighting with my brothers, you should also get me my right and share. Also, it should be decided that if iddat is for the confirmation of pregnancy, then my husband who gave me divorce is in Saudi for one and a half years— and if he is not here, then where is the possibility of me getting pregnant? In such a situation, why should I observe iddat?” Saying this, she became silent and started looking at each one.
Who tolerates a woman who speaks for her rights— even the crowd of men present there was not tolerating her existence. Blood was boiling in their veins. The patriarchy was dominating them. They were looking at her in wrath... their fists were clutching and they could give her all kinds of answers with muscle power— but were finding themselves unable to answer verbally.
And the women present there were looking at her with surprise. Some were those whose mental conditioning was such that they were towards men— probably against their own existence... but there were also those who were happy and wanted to clap but were finding themselves restricted.
An annoying silence was spread in the
panchayat.
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